I really enjoy tutoring students at the Write Site. Yet, I'm always hoping nobody will come in for help while I'm here. It doesn't make sense. It's similar to my experience with long distancing running: hurts like hell and I'd rather avoid it, but dang it sure feels good when you accomplish your goal. There's something so fulfilling about having a student leave a tutorial with excitement about her paper, or at least assurance that finishing it, and finishing it well, is a do-able aim. Sometimes I'm tired and brain-dead; thus I feel inadequate to help another writer. Once we get started though, I'm sucked into the passion I have for making that student's stress load lighter and his writing more focused and clear.
When a student understands my points and what will make his writing stronger, I feel that I have achieved what I set out to do. I trust my ability to be calm, approachable, honest but kind, constructive, and supportive as a tutor. Perhaps my gift is patience in the academic setting, while my vice is lack of patience outside of its walls. Ironically, I have an endless supply of endurance with teaching students how to value their strengths and improve their weaknesses. It's really pretty fun to tutor. However, I still hope that no one comes in the door again. Again, how does that make sense?
So much of life involves love-hate relationships. I know what I'm capable of, but scared of the work required of me. And so, I must end with a perfect quote on the subject:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.."
-Marianne Williamson
Though directed more at a spiritual perception, this quote sums up my career goals: I know what I'm capable of; I know that the feelings of fulfillment are amazing; yet I'm terrified to take up the responsibility.
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